Summer Storytime

Our family will be taking the time to document the various books we are enjoying this summer. We will be revisiting the books sitting on our shelves, the ones that have been collecting dust, and we will also be exploring the world of eBooks through our public library. We we also be utilizing the “Front Door Service” to pick up books we’d like hold in our hands and read without a screen. Thank you for coming along this journey with us. Check back often for additions throughout the summer. Happy Reading!!

The Terrible Twos

Sleep Regression, Separation Anxiety and Making Mommy Friends

Part 1:

My sweet baby girl has been the best sleeper.  Nap time and night time have been pretty easy compared to the horror stories I’ve heard from other mothers.  In our house…we lived the good life up until one weekend when it all changed!  Grandma invited our sweet baby over to her house for one-on-one play time away from big sister and a sleepover.  It was the weekend so we packed up the bag and left the timeframe open.  Depending on how much fun both grandma and two year old were having we didn’t schedule an end time to this “fun” mini vacation.

On the last night, sweet baby girl turned somehow turned into a demon child, climbing out of her pack-n-play, crying and screaming and driving grandma and grandpa NUTS!  Who knows if they’ll ever offer to watch the girls ever again.  Magic 8 ball says: Outlook Not Good. 

My husband and couldn't remember going through this with our first child so we did what most parents do...  we GOOGLED!  Our first NEVER climbed.  This was so new to us.  After trial and error and a couple of weeks, we found some things that worked for us, and once again, the whole family was getting some sleep. 

1. Sleep Sack - At our house we call this the "Sleepy Sack".  Because our little one figured out how to throw her leg over the side of the crib to pull herself out, this was an option to keep her legs from achieving splits status to get up, over and out. 

2. Essential Oils - We purchased the Oilogic® .45 oz. Slumber and Sleep Essential Oil Roll-On.  It's diluted and safe for babies 6 months and older.  At nap time and bedtime, I spell out my little one's name on each foot (she repeats the letters) and then we do the same on her chest.  We finish off by making circles on the back of her neck.  This is very relaxing and soothing and has even made me tired at times. 

3. Sound Machine with soft colored lighting - I splurged here and bought the Hatch Baby Rest Sound Machine with Night Light in White. This honestly has been AMAZING!  It pairs via bluetooth with your phone.  You can set different sleep programs.  You can change the colors.  My daughter has slowly learned that certain colors and sounds mean it's time to go to bed or to rest.  We've also set "okay to wake" programs.  It's pretty cool! 

4. Crib mattress all the way to the floor - now this one is a HACK and really, we have only done it to buy us time.  We're just not ready to transition to a toddler bed or big bed just yet.  Some people out there will probably say not to go this route, but for us, it works.  We basically moved the crib mattress down so that baby can't pull herself out. She's not strong enough at this point to use her arms to pull her self up and out. 

Part 2 and 3:

In addition to the sleep regression we were experiencing, the separation anxiety was at an all time high.  Again, sweet baby girl was possessed by evil forces and on days when it was time for preschool, AKA “play”school, she would melt down!  In the car she would say “No go”.  At school she would climb my legs. She would cry and scream as I walked towards the door to leave.  I felt AWFUL!  One day, right as I left the room, I burst into tears and sat down in the lobby with my head in my hands.  Thank the Lord for the motherhood, because just as I was losing my cool, another mother came to pick me up when I was feeling at an all time low.  

I had just read an article about “How to Make Mommy Friends” and one of the discussion points was to be vulnerable in front of other moms.  I have often been told (by my husband and a few other close friends and family members) that I put on this image of perfection.  My life is “so perfect” or so it seems.  I post only the good pictures.  I rarely go out without make up.  I put forth that image that I’ve got it all together.  REALITY CHECK….I DON’T!  I have moments of weakness far too often.  I confess to cooking chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese for dinner…on the regular.  I have piles and piles of clean and dirty clothes in my room that drive my husband nuts. I have melt downs often.  I forget where I put my phone ALL THE TIME.   I split my nails!  I have a long list of habits, some awful, some normal.  I just try to hide them.  

By being vulnerable in the moment of my sweet baby’s meltdown, I connected more with a mommy friend that I really had been wanting to get to know better, I just didn’t know how.  At the end of our chat, she told me about a craft and wine party she was going to be throwing the next week. Uh, hello?  I LOVE WINE!!!  Oh, and crafts too!  Inside I was jumping up and down, but outside, trying to keep my cool.

Fast forward a couple of hours. It was time to pick up the sad little girl I had left at school.  I had been struggling all morning with the questions: Should I have hugged her and gone right away?  Should I have stayed and offered her more love and cuddles?  I was begging for someone to just tell me what to do!  Give me the answers!  As parents we seriously have NO CLUE half the time.  As the door opened, the teacher snuck out.  She saw me and before letting all the parents in to pick up, she asked me if I was okay.  She recognized!  She saw that I was struggling!  And then, this amazing woman, who is a mother herself and has been teaching 2-3 year olds for 17+ years, gave me the answers I was looking for.  She offered me encouragement and reassurance that I was doing a great job as a mom and she told me to just “stay positive”.  She said to tell my little girl, “I love you, you're going to have so much fun and mommy will be back in a couple of hours”.  It can’t be that simple, can it be?  Well, a friend of mine found a quote that I think is perfect in this situation: “Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure”.  I like that.  Cheers to more adventures! 

Allergic to my baby?

Sitting down to write about this was a challenge at first.  Things are about to get super personal. You have been warned.

EJ on the Left....AB on the Right.

My daughters are very different and my experiences while pregnant with each of them are very different as well.  With EJ my entire pregnancy was pretty easy.  I DID puff up, that’s for sure, but the whole pregnancy was very normal.  When I carried AB, now that’s a different story.

With AB, I found out I was pregnant with her right before Christmas in 2014. It was right before my hubby and I were going to see family for the holiday and I remember thinking about not drinking and wondering if people would notice. Would they start asking if I was pregnant because I wasn’t drinking?! I had JUST found out and didn’t want to share the news yet.  Especially after having a miscarriage and losing our last baby, I was nervous.  Can you blame me?

Right away, as soon as my body was pregnant, I started noticing changes in my skin.  My underarms became irritated.  I stopped shaving for a while (sexy huh) and changed out my razors, soap and shaving cream.   A small rash started on the inside of my right breast.  At first I thought it was the underwire of my bra and well, maybe I needed a new bra.  An excuse to go shopping!! As if I needed one.  The days went by and the rash started to itch and get larger.  I stopped wearing bras with underwire and switched over to sports bras because they were more comfortable and didn’t irritate me as much.

I had an ultrasound at the end of January and there was my little peanut.  Growing and according to my amazing OBGYN, healthy as can be.  Me, on the other hand, she wasn’t sure what was going on with my body.  She suggested that I keep an eye on things and told me to let her know if my symptoms started to get worse.

On February 4th I was 10 weeks along and well, this is when my symptoms started getting worse.  A rash started on my arms and legs.  My family started wondering if I was contagious. They sure did keep their distance.  I scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN again but the itching became so bad that I ended up in Emergency Room late one night before my appointment date had arrived.  I was just so miserable and was stressed and worried about the health of my baby.  I was in tears because the doctor on staff told me it was PUPPP (pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy) but it typically doesn’t show up until third trimester.  She also told me it might last the entire pregnancy.  I was sent home with a hefty bill and cried the entire car ride home.

At my next follow up appointment, my doctor dismissed the PUPPPs diagnosis given from the ER doctor.  She called in the head of dermatology to my appointment along with a colleague in training.  I suddenly became a research project with all these people in my room poking and prodding at me.  I was in the dermatology department at least once a week for testing and follow ups.  The doctors tested me for bed bugs.  They took a chunk of skin out of my side, they took pictures of my itchy boobs to place in my file. Not the kind of photo shoot I ever wanted to have. They gave me topical cream after cream after cream, and they patch tested me for allergies.  That was awful because if you know me…I can’t typically go a day without a shower!  The rash started on my breast, but had spread to cover my entire body minus my face, back and “whooo-ha” Thank goodness for that!  

Finally the diagnosis came in.  What sounded like “We’re sorry Rachel, you're body is just allergic to your baby”, was actually called Atopic Eruption of Pregnancy (AEP).  Something I would never wish on even my worst enemy because it was that miserable at times and completely out of my control.   

My husband started sleeping on the couch because I would toss and turn so much from discomfort at night and keep him up.  In the morning I’d have scratches so bad that the sheets were bloody.  My legs were so raw, black and blue.  I found comfort from icing them to numb the pain.  Showers actually felt nice but I’d have to keep them short and use body oils to keep my skin from drying out. I tried different bar soaps, changed my detergents, tried everything I could think of to make the itching stop (Calamine lotion, Oatmeal baths, Sarna Anti-itch cream). The Sarna lotion was probably my favorite product out of everything, but would only provide relief for a little while.  I found that distracting my mind from thinking about the itch and moving around was the best thing I could do.

Soon after I started my second trimester things got SO MUCH better!  My skin cleared up and I started to feel the pregnancy glow. I was loving my body! I felt confident and even sexy.  I took bump photos often (something I never did with EJ).  I wore a bikini on the 4th of July and was constantly out enjoying the sun in shorts and t-shirts.  My body was no longer allergic to the little baby growing inside of me! I was so happy!

I was so proud of this bump.

Bikini Rocking!

Second to last bump picture I took.

When it was time for AB to join this world, she came almost two weeks early.  It was almost the weekend and we decided to send big sister off to spend time with my in-laws. Friday, August 21, my water really broke while I was sitting at the kitchen table. My husband was home with me and when we drove to the hospital, I was checked in right away.  I decided to get an epidural because I had one with EJ and I thought what the heck…lets make things easy.  No need for Pitocan this time, contractions were close together, laboring was peaceful and so stress free compared to baby #1 and around 1:00 am, when it was time to push...less than five minutes this time…she was out.

The Glasses Club

My daughter sat watching an episode of Goldie & Bear on the Disney Jr. Channel.  It was The Clubhouse that Jack Built episode and Bear joined the "Jack's Club". Goldie was excluded because her name wasn't Jack, obviously.  I'll explain why I brought this up, I promise, just keep reading.

My daughter recently had her five year check up at the doctors office.  They suggested I make an appointment with the Optometrist to get her eyes checked because she struggled a little during the appointment. We set the appointment to go in for the detailed examination.  I prepped EJ and told her that it's supposed to be fun.  I told her what to expect and to have fun and answer the questions as best she could.  As I was writing this, I found a great entry by Four Little Eyes that talks about how to prepare for your child's first eye exam.

EJ struggled with the letters.  They were fuzzy to her and when the doctor asked, "Can you read the letters to me" she responded, "Well, they're a little small."  I tried not to let her hear me chuckle because she's so cute when she says matter-of-fact things like that. The doctor asked her to "try your best" and when EJ started reading the "D" became an "O", The "R" looked like an "A" and so on.  It was determined that she has Astigmatism (which I knew nothing about) and she is farsighted.  Time for glasses!  

As a mother I started to worry.  How is she going to handle this?  Is she going to be upset?  Is she going to be embarrassed?  Will this affect her confidence?  My daughter looked over to me and I smiled.  I blurted out, "You get to have glasses just like Mya and Brandon in your class!" Excitement rushed over her face and she grinned from ear to ear.  I sighed with relief that she was happy and the doctor quickly made a comment that, "you need to make sure NOT to share glasses though...NO trading."

The cute frames EJ picked out. 

We headed out to start trying on frames.  Of course I liked the designer RayBans and of course they were the most expensive. I even thought EJ would love them because they had pink on the inside and on the sides.  She wasn't sold and ended up picking a pair that ended up not working out because the ear pieces were way too long for her little head.  Back to the wall of frames we went and I thought for sure my favorite pair would be chosen. Nope. Instead she chose a simple pair that was entirely covered by insurance (SCORE!) and Daddy was going to love that!

At school she told all her friends she was getting glasses!  At pick up one of EJ's best friends, Palmer, asked me, "What is the glasses club?"  We talked a little as her mom stood behind her and I explained that EJ couldn't see very well.  I told Palmer that EJ was going to have glasses like some of the other kids in the class.  Palmer told me that she can read just fine and I smiled. I love how confident you are when you are five years old.  

When EJ was in the car and we were on our drive home I asked her about the "Glasses Club".  She told me that it's a club and you have to wear glasses to be in it.  We discussed how some of the other kids might get their feelings hurt if they can't be in the club. Together we decided to rename the club to the "Friends Club" where everyone can be a member and no one is excluded.  After talking about things and even referencing the "Jack's Club" episode we just felt that leaving a friend out from a club because of wearing glasses or not wearing glasses wasn't the best idea.  These kids are in still only in preschool. I love that EJ was excited and wanted to start a club, but I don't want it to turn into something negative that backfires on her.

It was "Free Bagel Day"

I have two beautiful little girls.  They are so totally different and so were my pregnancies and labor.  

With EJ I followed all the rules. I tried really hard to “do it right”.  I avoided caffeine, I took all the baby classes, I signed up for prenatal yoga. I read the baby books like “What to Expect when you are Expecting”  and focused on eating healthy.  I had a detailed birth plan and was working on a birthing playlist of music to play in my hospital room.  I didn’t have many friends with babies yet.  I had just started my pregnancy when my good friend had her first baby girl.  She was my lifeline for information.  One of my favorite shopping trips with her was to Target before I was due to stock up on extra absorbent maxi pads, Dermoplast cooling spray, and Tucks medicated pads.  Things I never knew I would need.  When it was time to check out, my mommy friend searched the lines for the teenage boy managing the check out.  Why not have a little fun and make him red in the face while scanning my embarrassing items.  We figured it would maybe scare him to not have unprotected sex.

Look at how swollen my face was!!  Too many bagels.

My due date was fast approaching. I was bloated and wobbled like a penguin most days.  I did not have that pregnancy glow so many of my coworkers who were moms talked about.  Friday morning rolled around and I woke up to very early labor.  I wasn’t sure if it really was labor or just Braxton hicks lick they talked about in all the classes I had taken.  So, I did what I was suppose dot do and I started timing.  The contractions were consistent but really far apart.  I was getting ready for work and my husband asked me if I was still planning on going in.  I thought, “They said in the classes…labor takes a long time.  It’s not like in the movies when your water breaks and then POOF there is a baby!”  Did I really want to call in?  What if this wasn’t it?  Did I want to start my maternity leave or take a sick day?  Nope.  I decided to keep getting ready.  Plus, I had been looking forward to this Friday at work…it was free bagel day and I wanted my free bagel.

My closest coworkers/friends were so fascinated with me being in the office.  I sat in the back of the conference room during our morning meeting enjoying my bagel and timing my contractions.  I was very distracted obviously and didn’t retain much of what was going on in the meeting.  After we were dismissed, I took the time to use work as a distraction from the labor pains I was experiencing.  If I didn't focus on it, I thought, I wouldn't feel it as bad.  I am one of those people who thinks I do well with pain, but in reality, I can be a total a wimp.  My birth plan was to have a natural child birth.  No epidural or narcotic painkillers.

As the day progressed the strength of my contractions intensified.  I decided that at around 2:00pm I was throwing in the towel and headed home to try and relax and pack the car to get ready to go.  Earlier in the day I had called my parents and they were already on the road with my Grammie, traveling to Livermore from Southern California.  

Driving home with contractions was interesting.  Not recommended.  They weren't terrible yet, so it was completely doable.  My drive was only about 25 minutes (the opposite way from the hospital) and there was no traffic yet.  It was just one of those things that if you don’t HAVE to do it, I'd suggest you don’t. I was using up all of my energy throughout the day and I was still ONLY in Early Labor! Active Labor was going to kick my butt.

My family finally showed up to town.  My husband made it home.  I was getting anxious and tired.  The pain was getting stronger and stronger but the timing was just still far apart.  Having my family in our tiny little house added stress and I was getting advice from way too many people about my body and what I was feeling.  Its been 5 years and some one the next details are a little fuzzy for my to remember but I’ll give you the gist of it.

One of the only baby bump pictures I took with baby #1 because I didn't feel pretty. 

I ended up driving to the hospital and told my parents they should stay home until my husband and I called to let them know if we were being admitted.  They, of course, were excited and didn’t want to miss anything so they drove along anyway.  In triage, at the hospital, I wasn’t dilated enough (I was only 3cm) and they told me to go home OR walk around for two hours and then they’d check again.  The drive from our house to the hospital was about a 45 minute drive so we decided to stay and walk around for 2 hours.  By now I was starting to lose my cool.  My husband and I were walking the halls and my Grammie came over to us.  I said, “This is isn’t very fun anymore” and my husband, without skipping a beat said “Yeah, but we had fun making her.”  You should have seen the look on my Grammie’s face. 

Two hours after walking we were still sent home.  Still only 3 cm dilated.  When pulling into the driveway after midnight I got out and threw up.  I think my water broke but I wasn’t sure because I was throwing up and also thought I might have peed myself.  Ruined my favorite UGG boots in the process.  Google how to tell if your water broke and that will give you a chuckle when you are told to smell the fluid.  I took a bath, cried, and yelled in pain.  Everyone told me to try and sleep.  I couldn’t.  My husband called the hospital and when the nurse heard me in yelling in pain the background, she told us to come back in right away!  

Back at the hospital, triage told me I still wasn’t dilated enough. Again, only 3cm!  I cried and the most amazing nurse looked at me and said I was close enough and she could stretch me to get me there.  TMI?  I said “YES”, threw my whole birth plan out the window and asked when I could have the epidural.  Finally I was checked in! 

The epidural allowed me to get some rest.  Contractions stayed pretty far apart for me but they kept getting stronger and stronger.  I was given Pitosan.  My amazing nurse left me because of shift change and shortly after that it was "go time".  It was time for the Transition Phase. The new nurse walked over to what I refer to as the “bat phone” and within a moment of making a call, the room was full of people.  The lights were turned up and I was being lifted up as if I was a car going in for a oil change.  My parents were on the couch in the room all snuggled up looking as if they wanted some popcorn because the show was about to start.  I think I hurt my mother’s feelings when I asked if she and my dad would leave.  All I wanted in the room was my husband…and the doctor and other strangers that were the medical staff of course.

When it was time to push, I couldn’t wait any longer.  I was over being in labor.  I wanted to meet my baby girl.  I pushed for eight minutes and she was here.  I held her on my chest and cried and my heart melted.  I was physically exhausted and mentally drained.  After twenty four hours of going through the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, I was a mommy. 

Emma Jean Stanford, February 11, 2012, 5:13 pm, 8 pounds, 20 inches